You are my only
by unboundpen
Summary: Co-written with bluejay for the Ultimate Collab Challenge for October. With the death of his last remaining family member, based on the comics, Robin is emotionally distressed during a mission. Needing is not the same as wanting.


Unboundpen: I have to say as my first "Ultimate Collab Challenge" there were a few issues that had gone in the making. Time zones was the big one. It could have gone a lot better without that, but overall we managed. But the story idea is given credit to bluejay. I just did a few editing and wrote the end.

_Prompt: "It's too late. You had your chance. And I'm just getting started."_

~And enjoy. XD

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><p>The call came late in the afternoon, and I answered it without having a clue that it would shatter my life all over again. I was just about to leave for Mount Justice for a weekly trip to hang out with my team and do 'special' work. Alfred had even made cookies enough for a group of regular teenagers plus Wally's five stomachs.. It was shaping up to be an interesting weekend.<p>

"Richard Grayson? This is Doctor Sheldan of St. Margaret's..."

Thoughts of the weekend faded. I knew Dr. Sheldan. I also knew what a call from St. Margaret's would be.

I swallowed and told myself it wasn't out of the norm, doctors called families all the time. When I spoke, I was even proud to say that my voice didn't shake. "Yes, speaking." Despite growing up knowing only circus slang and random snippets of other languages that included curses, Alfred's telephone etiquette had been drilled into my head.

"I'm sorry I have to inform you through the phone..."

His next words drowned out the rest of my thoughts.

It was that night again. The few minutes where silence reigned until the screams started. And then there was only glassy eyes and broken puppets and splashes of red-

There was a dull crack.

I glanced down and realized I had dropped the plastic container of Alfred's cookies. I didn't even feel it slip through my fingers.

"Richard? Richard?" It took a moment to realize that I was still on the phone. I tried to say, "Yeah," but my throat was closing up and all that came out was a grunt.

"Richard," the voice continued anyway, no doubt the doc knew I couldn't speak at the moment. In a fairly sympathetic tone he murmured, "I'm sorry."

I didn't know what I said next. The polite thing to do would be to say 'thank you for letting me know' and I think I said that. But I couldn't remember. My vision tunneled and all I could see were the shattered cookies in the plastic container. And I just realized-

_KF wouldn't like that_.

xXx

I don't remember hanging up, much less changing into uniform. I didn't even remember the transporter announcing my codename. I was mostly walking in a haze until a large spot of yellow was suddenly in my face and demanding...

...What was he saying?

I blinked only to realize that my mask held more moisture than it was supposed to. Wally must have noticed it just as I did because his hands blurred to grip my shoulders tightly, his worried green eyes trying to stare through the white lenses in my mask.

"Rob?"

Nothing came out. No sound, not even a sigh. My whole body felt numb...numb from everything. I tried to swallow, but it felt like a bowling ball got stuck in my throat. It felt too dry to talk.

I squeezed my eyes shut and looked away from Wally's concerned face. I couldn't tell him. I couldn't explain. He just wouldn't understand.

The container of cookies felt weightless in my arms - I had a brief flash of surprise to realized how Wally never even looked at them. M'gann came up to the kitchen doorway, her brown eyes wide with concern. Even though my mind was mostly numb, I could feel a slight pressure at the back of my head, a sign that M'gann knew something was off.

I could feel two more pairs of eyes on my back as I set the container of shattered cookies on the kitchen island. When I turned for the exit, Artemis and Conner were peeking over the couch cushions with furrowed brows. A single game of the new Pacman glared the words _FAIL Reset?_ across the screen.

But life didn't have a reset button.

No one said anything, and even Kaldur gave me a sympathetic smile as I passed him on my way to my room. I expected as much from him. For someone almost as perceptive as me, he knew when to ask and when not to. I was later on thankful for that.

When I reached the door to my quarters, I stopped in the middle of typing in my code on the lock pad. Was there really any reason for me to be here? The team was still going strong. They didn't need me that much, not when I was this distracted. Distractions could get you ki-

The PA system signaled on and Batman's voice blared through. Apparently, the team was needed for a meeting.

"I have a mission for you," he began once everyone had gathered. Holographic images of business men glowed from behind him. But before he could continue, Kaldur took a step forward.

"Apologies, sir," he interrupted politely, "but I believe not everyone is ready for a mission now."

The sidelong glance he gave me was not discreet, especially when everyone turned to look at me. I inwardly sighed but kept my body still, my eyes staring at a screen without registering the images on it. Batman, his face impassive, studied the team leader for a moment.

"Explain," Batman commanded gruffly.

"I ask that Robin be excused from this task."

"Robin?" I relaxed my stance with a sigh and turned to my mentor.

"Care to explain?"

The lump in my throat had almost faded by this time and I dredged up a bit of calm to answer, "No, it's alright. I'm fine."

"Are you sure?"

I gave him a smile, but my lip muscles were fighting me for it so it came out strained, a signal that said _no, I'm not alright but I can still continue_. "Positive."

Batman narrowed his eyes in a gesture that said, _we'll talk about this later_. Then he nodded and turned back to the rest of the team. "There have been several assassinations of wealthy men in the past week. All of them have been kind enough to be anonymous benefactors of the League."

"Someone is trying to cripple the League by cutting off its support." Aqualad guessed.

Artemis huffed, crossed her arms and muttered, "Which means they weren't really anonymous."

"That's the obvious conclusion," Batman agreed, ignoring Artemis' comment, "but no. Cutting off League support involves more than killing its financiers. This is something more personal."

"Then what?" challenged Artemis. "What's the assassin after? And what does this have to do with us?"

"There are too many potential targets for the assassin to attack. So you will lure him out by presenting an enticing target-"

All at once, I realized what Batman was hinting are a lot of wealthy businessmen all over the world, but those who were financing the Justice League? Not many. And of that few number, there was only one who stands out as being the most generous.

"No...no! You can't-he can't do that!" I burst out, startling everyone. It wasn't often that I'd lose my calm like this, and never during a briefing with Batman.

The rest of the team stared at me in shock, but I ignored them to study the man in front of the screens, the man who took care of me because...

"Robin, this isn't-"

I shook my head. "-No! It's too risky! I won't let him-"

"-Robin!" I shut up at his reprimand. The lump had returned and I could feel moisture form in my eyes again. I glared at him despite the burning in my eyes, despite the fact that I couldn't speak without my voice breaking. But he met my challenge with a glare of his own.

Then Batman's frown softened and he dropped a heavy hand on my shoulder. There was no mistaking the fact that he knew something was amiss. He was Batman as Bruce Wayne. I had long ago discovered that the Batman persona was his true character; but once in a while when I needed him, Bruce the caring fop, the man who took me in, would shine through.

And it was Bruce in the guise of Batman who tapped out "I will be alright" on my shoulder with his index finger.

I thinned my lips and against my better judgment, I gave him a curt nod.

"There is a well-publicized charity ball tomorrow night," Batman announced to the rest of the team, his hand falling away from my shoulder, "and you will be attending it."

"Wait, what just happened?" Wally asked as he gave us confused looks. "You guys were doing nothing but staring at each other and then, you're all good?"

The Dark Knight ignored him, his voice carrying throughout the entire cavern as he doled out the elaborate details of the mission. "You six will be attending the ball; some as guests and the others as wait-staffs. You will be watching over our number one benefactor, while in the mean time watching out for any signs of the assassin."

"One question," Aqualad spoke up, "who is our lure?"

"Bruce Wayne."

xXx

It was easy enough to focus on the mission, to concentrate on maintaining my persona of a bored son of a wealthy billionaire guest - and not as a kid who was about to shatter at a single push of a finger.

I offered fake smiles and carried polite conversation with the guests; everything well-mannered and nothing remarkable. Alfred would be proud to know his lessons had taken hold. But inside, I was still bleeding.

Bruce Wayne's gaze swept over the entire ball, passing by me without a hint of recognition. I didn't let that bother me. We were working undercover; we couldn't be shown to be familiar with each other. But the job didn't make Bruce any less vigilant in watching me.

He'd almost pulled me out of the mission last night, when I told him what happened.

"Don't pull me out!" I pleaded. "I _need_ this. Please! I can't..." I squeezed my eyes shut, keeping the tears inside even as my voice trembled. "Don't leave me alone."

Bruce stayed with me that night, patting my back as I cried myself to sleep, shaking me awake when my old nightmares resurfaced. Neither of us slept very well last night and we both knew that the best way to cure our mutual insomnia was to work ourselves to exhaustion. A fatigued mind had no fuel to bring up night terrors.

Bruce had assumed that was the reason why I insisted on joining the team's mission. I didn't bother telling him it was also because I didn't want to be left behind on the platform again, helpless to watch as the only family I had left were taken away. It had happened twice now and I'll be damned if I let it happen for a third time.

The lounge music stopped and the party's emcee came up to introduce Bruce. I tensed and raked my gaze over the crowd again. The party's program was starting and while Bruce wore Batman's armor under his suit, he still had his head exposed. Any sniper worth his marksmanship could make a single headshot...and I'd be on my own.

The crowd thundered applause and I could see Bruce heading up for the podium.

_"It's nearing show time. Stay alert." _I mentally sent to the others.

"_I don't need reminding._" Superboy grumbled.

"_Of course not, Conner!_" M'gann piped cheerfully. "_Robin was just...uh..._"

"_Reminding us that of everyone in the team,_" I could imagine Artemis rolling her eyes, "_he's had the most practice._"

"_Hey, don't be so hard on Rob!_" KF rose to defend me, good for him. "_This...isn't an easy mission for him._"

"_And what makes this NOT an easy mission? All we have to is make sure the rich guy doesn't kick the bucket-_"

"_Quiet!_" I shouted at them, forcing myself not to flinch from Artemis' phrasing. I didn't need to be reminded of... I shook my head and continued, "_You're here to do a job, not to chitchat._"

There was silence in my head for a moment and then,

"_Are you alright, Robin? You sound upset._" Enter Kaldur with his concerned leader duty.

I could feel a tight band around his mental voice - Megan must have given us a private link outside of the team's 'public channel'. Once again, I was grateful for Kaldur's thoughtfulness. "_Upset's the least of what I'm feeling right now._"

"_What do you mean?_"

I sighed. Bruce had reached the podium by this time and was launching into his prepared speech. There was still no sign of any restless assassin making a move. "_Never mind, AL. Need to know basis._"

In my head, I could feel him do the equivalent of a mental step back. "_Then, if you wish to talk, I - WE - are here to listen._"

I waited until his mental presence was gone. Aqualad's offer was considerate; it was akin to him saying the team's got my back. But I'm not planning on taking it. The day I do is the day Bruce trusts them implicitly. And until then, I'll deal with my personal issues on my own.

Then one of the caterers climbed up on my table.

My brain flashed through several reasons why a wait-staff would-

-and then it hit me. "_He's making his move!_"

"Ladies and gentlemen!" The fake caterer declared, his voice resounding throughout the ballroom. "I must thank you all for providing me with this opportunity to finish my task at a single stroke."

"_What's he doing?_" Artemis muttered as I spotted Kaldur and Megan usher Bruce away from the podium.

I subtly reached for a batarang while I kept the rest of me still. "_He's declaring his intent, what else?_"

The fake caterer continued. "Three years ago, my daughter organized the John Surrey Foundation and hosted its first charity ball. It was a beautiful gathering; fit for the opulent citizens of Gotham City.

And the Joker decided it was fit enough for him, too."

I swore to myself, recognizing the event the man was describing. Bruce had been invited to attend it but we were busy chasing after Killer Croc that night. I hadn't seen the aftermath myself; I'd only read the details on the police report the day after: The Joker had crashed the party and demanded money. And when they gave it to him, he said it wasn't enough and opened fire. That was the first wave of casualties.

But the Joker wasn't finished. The second wave came when he blew up the ballroom. The gathering was located at the below ground level of a hotel. Hundreds had to be evacuated when part of the building collapsed. 78 dead, 343 people injured including one Grace Browning.

I felt more than heard Megan's horrified gasp. The assassin - I'd read on the report his name was Will Browning - was still in the same position, and I couldn't see any reason why Megan would react-

Then I realized, "_You were in my mind!_" I accused her.

"_I-I'm sorry, Robin. Your thoughts were so vivid..._"

"_I don't understand._" Conner spoke up. "_How could Batman have let this happen?_"

I growled at our implied failure and shot back, "_WE didn't. WE were busy staying alive against Killer Croc's mutated rat army. If you even think for one second that Batman would allow this-_"

"_Robin. That is enough. We understand that you are hurting, but that does not give you the right to direct your anger at us._"

I choked down the rest of my heated remarks. Kaldur was right, of course. I shouldn't be acting like a jerk towards my team. They don't know what it's like to lose everything...and watch as half of your remaining family walk into a situation where he might not come back.

"You pledged to help my daughter!" Browning ranted. "Hospital bills. Therapy. Even financial support until she could start earning again." He glared at the network executives seated in front of him. "Then the hotel sued. And all the money went into paying _them_.

"My daughter died two weeks later. She never woke up from her coma."

"Look, sir," a brave guest spoke up, "we are sorry for your loss. The Foundation shouldn't have been obliged to pay-"

Browning shook his head, raising his hands to reveal the detonators he held. "It's too late. You had your chance," several beeping sounds suddenly turned on all over the ballroom. "I've planted C4 all over this building. It's quite scary isn't it? And I'm just getting started."

His thumb pressed one detonator. And everything exploded into chaos.

People scrambled; scrambled to get out of the way of falling pillars, scrambled to duck under cover, scrambled to flee the madman. Browning was quickly swamped in the panic, but I'd kept my eyes on him - and his remaining detonator.

He had leaped off the table and was weaving his way for the podium. _He was going after Bruce!_

I ducked and weaved my own way after him, glad not for the first time that I had a small frame and could zigzag better through a crowd than an adult. He was just a couple of steps in front of me. I tried using people's shoulders to flip over them but they were too close together. I'd only end up getting trampled.

Then, he stopped. I pumped my legs into going faster, sure that he was about to press the button-

But no, instead, he was looking back and forth among the upturned chairs around the podium. Some of the panicked crowd had already gotten out and this area of the ballroom was now empty. I knew right then and there that he was looking for Bruce. It'd be tough luck for him if he actually finds my guardian. Then he turned around and saw me.

"What are you still doing here, kid?" He sneered. "Don't you know a madman when you see one?"

"I'm taking you down." I told him.

"'Down?' Down!" He laughed, turning around to resume his search. "Leave, kid. I've got no time for you. I've got more money-grabbing bastards to kill."

Eyes widened with blind fury, I could practically see the red streaked whites of his eyes. His heart beat hard enough for the blood to reach the capillaries there, but it wasn't how wide they got that startled me, it was the insanity that lay beneath those dilated pupils. I had seen similar looks that had all compared to one, and I shuddered at the thought.

He was almost as crazy as the Joker...

_Almost..._

I took a running leap and tackled him, my right hand reaching for the detonator. He landed on the ground with an '_oof!_', me on top and grabbing the detonator from his limp hand. Then I back-flipped off him and ran to work on dismantling the detonator. The small device quickly unravelled in my hands, thanks to a micro-screwdriver from my belt.

"Robin."

I spun to my left, surprised at the gravelly voice until I saw one of the shadows behind the podium move. It was Bruce. He'd managed to change into his uniform while everyone was distracted by Browning's speech.

I heard a brief chime in my ear and realized I still had my comms. "Batman?"

His instructions were brief. "Keep after Browning. I'll disarm the bombs."

"Got it."

And the shadow was gone. For that moment, it felt like it was just us again; I handled the collar while Batman took on the more dangerous task. He'd trained me and trusted me to take care of myself against low-level criminals - and the thugs-for-hire were oftentimes stronger than the masterminds. Strength alone though, doesn't make a better fighter.

I had less than a second to react when I felt the rush of air behind me.

I jumped, and Browning came crashing to the floor where I had been standing. I arched and spun to land behind him. He was just picking himself up. I was about to knock him unconscious when the wall to my left blew up.

The world tilted at a crazy angle. My shoulder impacted with another wall - oh wait, I wasn't sliding down so that must be the floor - and I tried to push myself up but my head couldn't decide which way was up.

Then a pair of sneakers stepped close. "Stupid kid. Can't leave well enough alone, can you."

I glanced up - my head had finally picked a direction - and Browning bent to lift me by my necktie.

My. Tight. Necktie.

I couldn't breathe. Blood was rushing in my ears. But I could still hear him, "I had a backup plan in case I lost my detonator. The bombs I planted were timed to blow ten minutes after nine. But I didn't set them all at the same time." Browning's eyes were crazy-wide, but that could just be my vision swimming. Can't breathe. "In the next five minutes, this place will crumble inch...by...inch."

Dizzy, so very dizzy. The lack of oxygen had my head feel like dead weight. My flailing arms finally found the cloth that dug into my skin. Perfect, a ringed bruise as a reminder of this mission for the next day...if we managed to live until then.

I clawed at the dreadful thing as a faint memory of me scowling at Alfred on how the tie would be the death of me flashed in my mind. My whining had come close to coming true, and as I yanked hard in the front, I had managed to bring my head forward in such a violent manner that the Indian burn screamed for my attention.

Finally the makeshift noose loosened, after a huge amount of effort of gagging, scratching, and, finally, cutting it with a bat-a-rang.

I whipped around with a feral look in my eye, only to come face to face with Aqualad. His face showed no sign of surprise, only worry. "Are you well?"

The burning feeling returned when the adrenaline lowered a bit from the spin. My throat was hoarse from the abuse, but I managed a raspy, "I'm fine". It was then I realized that my captor lay unconscious at the bare webbed feet of my leader. My shaky eyesight could not justify -nor did I really care- if Browning were alive or dead, but knowing Kaldur, he was probably just knocked out cold. If it was any sign, the start of an abnormally large bump two inches above the temple showed just where Kaldur hit him.

I watched with a short amount of envy when Aqualad remained composed as he nodded slightly and then picked up Browning and heaved him over his shoulder as if he were a sack of potatoes. Effortless and composed both in and out.

I swear I heard the sound of a bomb detonating and when an explosion went off behind me, the building's architecture reminded me that there was a pillar right behind. I wasted no time in running up next to Aqualad and knocking the both of us out of the way. Just in time too. Granite came crashing down on the marbled floor. I started to feel myself slide as the ground collapsed from the weight of the pillar.

Even though my body was still recuperating from the lack of oxygen, I managed to pull myself and Aqualad to our feet. Out of the corner of my eye, a flash of distinguishable shiny, black kevlar caught my attention.

A choked cry of something akin to "Batman" escaped my wind burnt lips. I skirted around Aqualad, only to be held back the moment I took a step forward.

The solemn look on his face made me want to yank my arm away, but the thought of it detaching or at the least, dislocating, had me sneering at my leader.

"It is not safe to enter a collapsing building. We must relocate to safer ground."

"No I can't! I won't leave him behind. He's the only one I have left in the world, and I refuse to let him die if I have a chance to prevent it." It was shaky, everything was shaky, but my voice managed to come out as firm.

Kaldur shifted the body on his shoulder. "I understand, Robin, but you are a part of this team. It is my responsibility to ensure each member is safe. You must come with me, now!"

I shook my head furiously, his sensible words reached deaf ears. No, I could not allow it.

He pulled me along, ignoring my indignant shouts. When we were on the grass, a reasonably safe distance away, he finally let me go so that he could hand off Browning to a police officer. My teeth clenched in frustration. Time was lost.

I ignored the calls from my teammates as I rushed towards the now burning building. It wasn't much of a surprise when Superboy landed in front of me, an immediate obstacle in my path. I twisted and leapt over him effortlessly and continued to sprint my way through the grass.

I hadn't noticed the arrow that whizzed by just a couple of paces ahead of me. I clumsily tripped over something, a bit disoriented from the unexpected string that had tripped me. Before I could even start to move again, something -or someone, namely Kid Flash- sped at me, hauled me into his arms, and ran away from the building, to where everyone was again.

I screamed at the top of my lungs, which was a fail considering how fast KF was going. That with the lack of oxygen just ten minutes ago had the panic roaring in tenfold.

I was handed off to someone much more muscular than Kid Flash, and much stronger. My struggling was held off with a pair of arms that hugged my smaller frame.

Another explosion boomed from behind the both of us. The stiffening in my shoulders was already a sign that I was about to go off much more than I had before.

"NO! BATMAN!"

Miss Martian reappeared in front of us with an apologetic look on her face. Her warm, so very warm, hands cupped my cheeks to hold my shaking head in place as she gently touched her forehead to mine. And suddenly, a deep oozing, calming warmth flooded my mind. I became peacefully still with my body suddenly melting into Superboy's arms.

She pulled away with a gentle kiss on my forehead, something that added to the reassurance that she had implanted in my mind.

With lazy, still masked eyes, I scanned the field and caught sight of just how many people had gathered around. Not just the party goers, but bystanders, police officers, some of my teammates and a whole lot of Leaguers.

Out of nowhere, my vision was filled with a whole lot of red and a few splotches of yellow.

"Hey kiddo," the Flash greeted softly, no doubt Wally had asked him to come over and distract me, as if I wasn't distracted already.

He looked up and gave Superboy a small smile as he asked, "Some of the Justice League members and I came as soon as we heard. Did everyone get out alright?

The rumbling of Superboy's voice vibrated the back of my head when he carefully replied, "Not everyone."

The faint thought of Batman popped the bubble of security and I started to struggle again. "Batman! Batman! He's still in there! I need to find him!"

"Robin, you need to calm down. Overreacting like this will get you killed." The Flash insisted before a hand came up to push something in his ear further in. He looked at me again with another smile, the mask that only had white cloth covering the eyes stared back at me hauntingly. "Superman has gone in to get him."

I felt tears soak through my mask and leak into droplets that ran down my cheeks. The Flash took a step back in surprise, probably at what he saw.

"It's not enough. I need to be the one to get him. I need to be there with him. I've already lost a loved one this week, don't make me loose another one."

Even though it was eerily silent, except for the crackle of the fire behind us, I could feel everyone slump apologetically.

The memory of people apologizing swirled in my head, made me drunk with even more grief. Nononono.

"Shut up!" I screamed loudly, "None of you are sorry! Stop, just stop!"

More tears leaked through the mask, making everything go blurry. "Vă rugăm, să nu-l ia de la mine."

_Please, don't take him away from me._

Faintly, I heard Artemis ask about what I had just said, but before anyone could answer, I was immediately swept out of Superboy's arms and towards a very familiar bat symbol.

It was pathetic really, to hear myself whimper and cry harder with the immediate relief of holding my mentor in my arms.

I stuttered out meaningless words in Romani, a slip of who I was to the team, if they paid any attention. But I guess Bruce was worried enough that he didn't bother in quietening my curses.

"You said you'd be there for me. You promised not to leave me. How could you keep your promise when you went in there without me?"

He kept silent and only tightened his grip on my shuddering body.

Everyone had walked away to give us some space. I would've known, since the footsteps, muffled by the dewy grass, faded away with each sound.

"Don't ever leave me."

His mouth formed into a sad smile, one that was both reassuring and not.

"I won't."


End file.
